yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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