You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
