i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
