Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
