I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
