Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize