he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
