i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm having to shit out rocks
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