DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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