I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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