you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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