We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
