my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
