my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize