I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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