youre lurking in front of me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
