Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
don't judge my taste in strippers
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
