I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
