your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
