Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
