Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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