Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
