We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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