Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
