Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
