Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she told me i tasted like america
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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