Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Randomize
