she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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