i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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