I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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