Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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