My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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