this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
