there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
