1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
