Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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