how can u be prego again
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
