FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
