Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
