I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
either way he was missing a nipple.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
