I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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