weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
