Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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