Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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