I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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