there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
