Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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