that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
