I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
