FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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