I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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