WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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