i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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