apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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