I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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