I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
