I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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