i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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