I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
