grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
