Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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