the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
