Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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