That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
