4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
