Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
