my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
