I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
