I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
