Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
